Iron Fists, Armed Monkeys, Multi-armed ping pong and the 800-Number of Fate RETURNS – all here in this, the 75th edition of I’M JUST SAYIN’. C’mon in and get with this!

I wonder if that’s how each Editor in Chief at Marvel winds up with the job, or is that just wishful thinking for some of our more…PASSIONATE fans out there? Mr. Q – I’m lookin’ in your direction, buddy…

I don’t doubt for a second that when he wrote that sequence, Grant Morrison was more than happy to let you the reader plug in whatever you think the “sexy disco hot” music was that the Professor clicked on during his twisted little display. I couldn’t help but imagine Lady Gaga when I read that scene myself, and that’s mainly because for me, there’s no avoiding her. We’re only allowed to listen to Top 40 Pop stations at work, so yeah…that’s me tied to that chair with a growing ball of molten violence brewing in my gut. And if you don’t think it’s that big of a deal, being forced to listen to a Lady Gaga track every twenty minutes, consider this: five days out of the week, my ears itch and it burns when I hear.

So once again, we summarize: DC Comics = RIGHT NOW. Marvel Comics = RIGHT NOW, founded upon WHAT CAME BEFORE, leading into WHAT COMES NEXT. That’s why there are Spider-Man fans, myself included, who continue to wait for Baby May to return. That’s why the concept of the Illuminati seemed like such an ill fit. That’s why I thought the premise behind “The Murdock Papers” was flimsy and contrived. That’s why Mr. Q has a disguise, a false driver’s license and a crossbow packed away in a nondescript post office box across the Canadian border, along with maps to the homes of Mark Millar, Brian Michael Bendis and Joe Quesada…

…oops.

Some more quickie reviews from this weeks batch of comic book goodies. Including Chew #1, Wonder Woman, FF, Cap: Reborn. War of Kings, Batman and Robin, GLC and Secret Six!

Think about it; we ALL have Morrison stories that we like, and Morrison stories that we don’t like, so really – what other factor could there be? When Grant Morrison is being reined in where he needs to be reined in, it’s like butter in four colors. When he’s not – say perhaps, he’s been paired with an editor who might be a little too starstruck to do his or her (most likely HIS)job, well…let me ask you this: y’ever tried discussing THE X-FILES with a stroke victim?

Neither have I, but I’ll bet you a Happy Meal that’s what it’s like.

Kicking off a new series of weekly Capsule Reviews, Comics Guru Aris Iliopoulos joins the Nexus family ranks! This week Aris reviews Trinity #51, FC: Dance #1, Invincible #62, Hulk #12, Amazing Spidey #594, Fantastic Four #566, and Captain America #50! Welcome aboard Ari!

Since when does Spider-Man freak out just because he can’t see? KNEE-JERK REACTION THEATRE attempts to answer that question, and we also give props to a fine version of BATMAN: THE END this week on I’M JUST SAYIN’…

The first two FANTASTIC FOUR movies, while nowhere in the league of say, SPIDER-MAN/SPIDER-MAN 2, X-MEN/X-MEN 2, BATMAN BEGINS/THE DARK KNIGHT or IRON MAN, they weren’t the worst that we’ve seen, like THE SPIRIT, CATWOMAN, X-MEN 3 and – depending on who you ask – SUPERMAN RETURNS, DAREDEVIL,or HULK. It wouldn’t need much to make a better story – something similar in tone and/or approach to IRON MAN would be a smart move. Well that, and perhaps keeping the Mr. Fantastic/Doctor Doom relationship a little closer to the comics as opposed to that grotesque, almost Ultimate-styled revision.

Mark Waid – the guy most closely associated with adding such layer and nuance to Wally West and the Rogues over in THE FLASH, the guy who gave us our last “definitive” run on THE FANTASTIC FOUR, the guy who wrote the kick-ass JLA story “Tower of Babel,” where Ra’s al Ghul stole protocols for taking down the Justice League from Batman’s computer, the guy turned CAPTAIN AMERICA into a political thriller a good ten years before Ed Brubaker…writing a Spider-Man story with a blatantly recycled premise. Why does that sound so WRONG?

I was interning at Marvel when the first FANTASTIC FORCE came out, and because of how typically…90’s that title was, I honestly never thought I’d see it used again. I mean, how is it that this book didn’t get a title all its own, to mark its place in the 21st Century…like DARK NEW DEFENDERS or something?

Nah. That would’ve just been dumb.

Here’s the thing about Mark Millar that bothers me to no end: when he writes anything that’s supposed to be part of a larger continuity, he doesn’t bother to do his homework…If this run of his were some kind of “Ultimate” Fantastic Four that I described several columns ago, that were completely out of continuity and stood on its own, I wouldn’t have a thing to say about it. But if you’re going to be working on this specific title? THE FANTASTIC FOUR? The one Stan Lee and Jack Kirby gave us? Well then, you damn well better BRING IT. And by “bring it,” I don’t mean “throw together whatever crap you think will look ‘badass.’”

A good topic to talk about is hard to come up with, believe me, I know. This is the fourth different attempt I’ve made at writing a Standard this week, and I’m not even sure if this is going to be the final draft. I always get to thinking about what books are “must read”, [...]

Much like with THE INCREDIBLE HULK, I think the best bet for DAREDEVIL is to start fresh…the ideas I’m going to lay down here require a start over, as I believe that the attempt to cram so much into the 2003 film has rendered it incapable of bearing solid sequels…We’re going to space this one movie into three…and I will also be suggesting which comic book stories each film should use as a foundation.

Okay – let’s do this.

Writers: Aron E. Coleite & Joe Pkaski
Pencils: Dan Panosian & Mark Brooks
The X-Men of the future hunt the Fantastic Four of today! In the future, mutantkind is on the run, and what remains of the X-Men make a move, not unknown to the regular MU X-Men. They go back in time and try to [...]

Monsters and fingerless gloves.

That’s how this book starts. Monsters and fingerless gloves. And bad, bad humor. Sappy horribly done romance as well.

Spidey sings the DD theme song, Ghost Rider takes to the Good Book, Archangel is feeling blue, MODOK makes a splash, Longshot gets lucky, Hercules as well, Sue with Namor even more so, Captain America becomes a Queen… and the Avengers challenge Galactus to a Texas Hold’Em tournament!

The feminization of Marvel’s supervillains, some costume nitpicks and news out of San Diego – all here in this latest edition of I’m Just Sayin’…come get some.

This is Leave Your Spandex @t the Door number 128, smoke-free but still full of ****s, voyerism, gays, nudity, violence and gore!

• Vote for Panel of the Week
• Watchmen Trailer
• **** Me Amadeus
• What the ****
•Your Kick-Ass Gay Friend
• Killer Alien Lizard Nursery
• Marvel Heroes Say: Smoking’s Bad For You – -
•–Killing’s Still Ok
• Sprechen Sie Bub?
• Giant Girl In Wonderland

So Marvel released 23 titles this week. Out of which six have ‘Avengers’ in their title, six more are Secret Invasion tie-ins, two are drawn by Takeshi Miyazawa, two are written by Matt Fraction, five of them feature Hulks of three different colours in total, but only one features two favourite super-heroes in cross-dress… -Sigh-